Can Offence Be Winsome?

It’s generally a good idea for Christians to be gentle, kind-hearted, and upbuilding to one another. After all, this is what Paul explicitly calls us to do in Ephesians 4, and many other passages in the New Testament. Within the context of everyday Christian fellowship, this should be our default posture towards one another. Even to unbelievers who personally attack us we should “patiently endure evil” and correct our opponents “with gentleness” (2Tim. 2:24-25). However, this call to gentleness can easily be misunderstood. As Paul well knows, there is a need to speak sharply and even “offensively” to others.

Christians often need to do this for various reasons: to win our opponents (or their hearers) away from sophisticated deceptions; to win them to the truth of the Gospel and its moral implications; or even to show that God really means business when He talks about judgement; to show he “is not mocked” (Gal. 6:7). Christians are starting to realise that such moments are becoming increasingly necessary as the free expression of Christian convictions is increasingly eroded in our time, paving the way for an increasing assault upon such convictions.

How and Why to Offend

Much, of course, hangs on what you think “offensive” actually means. It’s a hard sell to tell Christians we ought to be “offensive”. This is because, for most, the word connotes a kind of deliberate cruelness or an intention to harm someone deliberately, even malignantly.

There are other ways of seeing it, of course, more akin to going on the offensive in sport or war. If you have enemies whose weapons are intended to attack the truth, there are indeed times to go on the offensive. It is a good thing to oppose those you mean to oppose, depending upon how you oppose them. Even Jesus’ call to turn the other cheek and go the extra mile (Matt. 5), is itself an oppositional action, likely to cause some kind of offence to our opponents, even as we bless them. At our most gracious, we are still “heaping burning coals on their heads” (Rom. 12:20).

As is well known, there are numerous examples where Paul speaks and acts not exclusively “gently” but boldly – even to believers. We might think of him confronting Peter’s hypocrisy “to his face” (Gal. 2:11), or his “sharp disagreement” with Barnabas about the untrustworthiness of John Mark (Acts 15:39), or his naming of brothers who had defected (2 Tim. 1:15, 4:10).

This we might put down to the importance of challenging false teaching within the Church but not for how we talk to outsiders. Yet Paul is actually at his most confrontational when dealing with oppositional unbelievers.

When Paul Offends Elymas

There are indeed times to be sharp and bold with unbelievers who oppose the Gospel of grace, even to the point of “shaking the dust off our feet” as a sign of judgement against them upon departure. If there is one instance that demonstrates the sharpest contrast to the Christian myth of just-be-nice-and-at-all-times-in-all-circumstances, it’s Paul’s confrontation of Elymas in Acts 13. 

It occurred in the midst of another fruitful mission opportunity. Sergius Paulus, one of the key people of influence in Paphos, has summoned Paul and Barnabas so he could hear the word of God from them. But lo and behold, along comes the opposition: “But Elymas the magician… opposed them, seeking to turn the proconsul away from the faith.” (Acts 13:8). Opposition like this is meant to be opposed, not placated. But how?

Many progressive Christians today might seek to deal with such a situation by having a good sit-down over a coffee, discussing the glory of diverse perspectives, and thanking Elymas for his noble efforts to limit the influence of Christianity upon politics. Well, that’s not quite how Paul, our great apostle of gentleness, decides to deal with it. 

Here’s what he says: “But…Paul, filled with the Holy Spirit, looked intently at him and said, ‘You son of the devil, you enemy of all righteousness, full of all deceit and villainy, will you not stop making crooked the straight paths of the Lord? And now, behold, the hand of the Lord is upon you, and you will be blind and unable to see the sun for a time.’” (Acts 13:9-11). And amazingly, it happened. Elymas was blinded before their eyes.

Now, was Paul’s response to Elymas “gentle”? Was it a “winsome” approach to opposition? I guess it depends who you’re really trying to “win”. We do know that it led directly to the conversion of Sergius Paulus: “Then the proconsul believed, when he saw what had occurred, for he was astonished at the teaching of the Lord.” (Acts. 13:12).

Boldness and offensiveness can become bad if left in the wrong hands with the wrong hearts; but they can also demonstrate the necessary conviction that must accompany our proclamation – if, that is, we really do believe what we claim to proclaim.

Who Are You Really Trying to Win?

It's good to be gentle and gracious. Don’t think we’re meant to go around blinding and reviling people at will! Our modus operandi is to be loving and gentle and reasonable. But in only  focussing on Biblical calls to gentleness, we may actually be hiding the fact that we are in hiding. 

We may be failing to be honest with the Bible that lies open before us. We may be failing to allow the Word to “astonish” us as it astonished Sergius Paulus, as it had first astonished Paul himself. We may be failing to notice the cowardice within our hearts. Paul knew, as Jesus knew, that there are times when offending people is absolutely necessary to winning people to the truth. There are times when there is no other way to say what needs to be said than for it to cause offence. 

The truth is necessarily offensive to our sinful hearts, and there will always be times when the expression of that truth must be spoken, as Paul says, “boldly, as I ought to speak” (Eph. 6:20) or else we may no longer be speaking the truth at all, whoever it is we think we’re trying to win.