5 Steps To Not Destroying Your Ministry Or Your Marriage

In the last calendar year I have watched two men that I know personally, and one that I admired from afar fall into grievous sin and disqualify themselves from ministry. One is on his way to prison and the other two should never touch that Sacred Desk, the pulpit, ever again. I have no desire to comment on the various circumstances and sins that led to their disqualification but if you're willing, I’d like to make explicit what has been an implicit plan for long faithfulness. I’ll confess I’m young, by most metrics, for a pastor at 34 years of age. But I’ve been thinking about my last day on this earth for over two decades. 

At the age of 10, I was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer called Ewing Sarcoma and while I don’t think about that diagnosis much anymore It made a lasting impression on my soul. It was at that time that I began to think about my death and I have never stopped. 

At first, this thought made me fearful because I hadn’t trusted in Christ and knew I deserved death and ultimately hell. After Christ saved me, the thoughts of my last day were sweetened for I knew that on that last day I would soar to Christ and enjoy the sweet rest promised. Marriage and children made the thoughts of my last day bitter-sweet as I still longed for Christ, but wanted to be here so as to love and care for my family. And the pastorate, well it added that I not only want to finish my last day as a faithful husband and a loving father, but also in such a way that validates every word I ever preached. As I look toward that day – I have a few practices that I believe benefit me, and any other pastor aiming to finish faithful. 

#1 We must never preach without passion. 

I sincerely believe this is one of the most deadly dangers pastors face. While some texts and some sermons naturally weigh so heavily upon the soul that it makes the previous sermon or text feel light in comparison, there is a vast distinction between that and a passionless sermon. 

A passionless sermon is fraud. Every man I know who has disqualified himself from ministry preached impassioned but passionless sermons. Though they could raise and lower affection through their own performed emotions, they spent their weeks living in unrepentant sin. 

And you don’t get there by accident. You get there by practicing and performing in such a way that is wholly detached from your desires and delights. You become a fraud long before you are discovered to be one. Instead, we must labor in the text until our soul’s soar. We must study until the truth of God warms us so that by it, we might warm the Saints of God in our weekly proclamation. 

#2 We must hate sin in its infancy. 

Honestly, I don’t care about the miles, and I don’t think they need to be cared about. I care about the inches. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance.” Vigilance doesn’t start after taking three steps in the wrong direction, rather it keeps your foot from taking the first and second steps long before you have run a full marathon in the wrong direction. 

Thus, as a general rule, the sin I fear most isn’t the mature form; it’s the immature, pet, harmless sin that is most treacherous. Most pastors can commit those respectable sins in public without being disqualified but every sin committed without blushing is a rehearsal for grander hidden sins. Concealed pride is a single step but its step is in the direction of destruction. A lustful thought or a word to a woman not your wife is a foot toward adultery. Above all, any and all sin is an offense to the glorious God we serve, that is enough reason for us to hate it in its infancy as well as in its maturity.  

#3 I’ll be satisfied in my wife. 

I’m not going to be crass, but I mean this one in every way it can be applied. Proverbs 5:18-19 tells us, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer a graceful doe. Let her breast fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always with her love.” If you are paying close attention to the structure of Proverbs 5 it's clear that one of the preventatives for adultery is an intoxication with your own wife. 

Just like covetousness precedes theft an unloving, unsatisfied heart toward your wife precedes all types of evil against her and against God. The truth is that we need more than contentment as regards marriage, we need joy, we need delight. One of the most proactive ways pastors can guard their hearts and ministries is to go home and be intoxicated by the love of their wives.  

#4 I won’t move my church membership. 

I understand this one might not be true for every pastor but for me, my church is my greatest means of defense from failing and falling. The reality is that my church knows me. They know my schedule. They occupy my time. They know my weaknesses and strengths. That knowledge lets them pray for me in a way that is unique to them. 

My fellow elder, Blake, knows the difference between playful snark and sinful sass. Darin knows when I’ve become heated in discussion. Nannette knows when I’m frustrated or irritated. Drew knows when I’m dangerously tired and need to rest. Don knows when I’m fishing for a compliment because I don’t feel particularly good about the sermon I just preached and instead of granting the compliment he lovingly corrects me. David calls me to ask how I’m doing. I could write of Travis, Jeff, Charles, Gregg, Shellie, Justin, Carver, Dylan, Will, John Thomas, James, Mike, Jake, Sheryl…and so many more. I normally wouldn’t put names, but I wanted to make the point. 

Brother Pastor, you need them. And you need them to know you so that they can love you, pray for you, encourage you, call you to repentance in a respectable way, and stir you up to love and to good works. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Pastor, don’t forget that this verse applies to you as well. Every time you move your membership or take that higher paying, higher attendance church you lose them and that needs to be taken into account as you pursue long faithfulness. 

#5 I’ll pray and plead that God would protect me knowing that He is able.

There seems to be an increase of pastoral failure. But Brother Pastor, there hasn’t been an increase in God’s failure. He is still able to uphold us. He is still able to keep us. Take heart, stand firm and remember the words of Jude 24-25, “Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.”