God Doesn’t Love Everyone the Same—And Neither Do We

Recently, a video of Vice President JD Vance went viral in which he stated that Christianity upholds a hierarchy of relationships—beginning with family, then community, then country, and finally the world. His statement was met with swift backlash, with critics arguing that he had distorted the Christian message. Some even insisted that true Christianity demands prioritizing the stranger above all else, even over one’s own family.

This debate raises an important question: Does God command us to love all people in exactly the same way, with no distinctions? Should our love be so universalized that we place strangers above our own families and church communities? Or does Scripture itself establish priorities in love?

In the following discussion, I aim to demonstrate that God's own love is not indiscriminate but ordered—and that Christians, following His example, should also recognize distinctions in the way we express love and commitment.

A Common Misunderstanding 

One of the most common yet misleading theological assumptions in modern Christianity is the belief that God loves everyone exactly the same. 

While it is true that God’s general benevolence (common grace) extends to all creation (Matthew 5:45), the Bible is clear that God has set His love upon certain people in a unique and special way. From the very beginning, God’s love, favor, and covenant blessings have been set upon particular individuals and groups according to His sovereign purpose.

Consider Noah: In a world full of corruption and wickedness, God did not extend saving grace to everyone. Genesis 6:8 says, “But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.” The rest of humanity perished in the flood, but God chose to preserve Noah and his family. We see this also with Abraham. Out of all the people on earth, God sovereignly called Abram (later Abraham) and made a covenant with him (Genesis 12:1-3; 15:1-6). He was set apart as the father of many nations, yet the covenant promises were not extended to all. Out of this comes the people of Israel. 

It cannot be denied that God set a unique love upon Israel as His chosen people. This is explicitly stated in Amos 3:2a, where God says, “You only have I known of all the families of the earth…”  The word “known” here implies an intimate, covenantal love. Though God created all nations, He set apart Israel as His people, entering into a unique relationship with them that He did not extend to others.

One of the clearest examples of God’s distinct love is found in Romans 9:13, where Paul quotes Malachi: “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.” Some attempt to soften this language by suggesting that "hated" simply means "loved less." Even if that were the case, the passage still affirms that God does not love all people in the same way. He chose Jacob to inherit the covenant blessings, while Esau was rejected—not based on any foreseen merit, but solely on God's sovereign will (Romans 9:11-12). Others argue that this verse refers not to the individuals Jacob and Esau, but to the nations of Israel and Edom, as suggested by the broader context in Malachi. Yet this interpretation only reinforces the point—God set His love upon Israel in a way that He did not upon Edom. And even if "hate" means "love less," the distinction in God’s love remains undeniable. 

Distinctions of Love in God

The idea that God distinguishes His love should not be controversial. Even in human relationships, love is not a one-size-fits-all emotion. A man does not love his wife in the same way he loves his neighbor, nor does he love his children in the same way he loves his co-workers. Love, by its nature, involves distinctions.

Consider the ways in which Scripture demonstrates different kinds and degrees of God’s love:

• God’s General Love for All Creation — God provides for all people, even the wicked, by giving them food, shelter, and life itself (Matthew 5:45; Acts 14:17). This is often called “common grace”.
• God’s Special Love for His Elect – Scripture teaches that God has a special, redeeming love for His chosen people. Ephesians 1:4-5 says He predestined us in love before the foundation of the world. Christ’s atonement was specifically for His sheep (John 10:11, 15).
• God’s Unique Love for Christ – The highest and most supreme love is the Father’s love for the Son (John 17:24). No one is loved in the same way that the Son is loved by the Father.

If God Himself loves in degrees, it follows that we, as His image-bearers, should love with discernment and proper order.

We Are Called to Love Distinctly

Just as God does not love everyone the same way, neither are we called to love indiscriminately. Scripture commands us to prioritize certain relationships over others.

A Man Must Provide for His Own Family — 1 Timothy 5:8 states: “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” This verse makes a clear distinction: while we are called to love all people, our primary responsibility is to our own household. A man has a greater duty to provide for his family than he does for strangers.

A Husband’s Love for His Wife Is Unique — Ephesians 5:25 commands: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” The love a husband has for his wife is different from the love he has for others. He is called to love her sacrificially, as Christ loved the church. No such command exists for a man to love all women in this way.

The Church’s Love for the Brethren — Galatians 6:10 instructs: “So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” While we are to do good to all, there is a special obligation to care for fellow believers. The unity of the church demands a unique bond of love that is distinct from the general goodwill we show toward the world.

The Danger of Flattening Love

Modern Christianity often promotes a sentimental view of God’s love that removes all distinctions. This results in several theological errors:

• Universalism — If God loves everyone the same way, why would He send anyone to hell? A failure to recognize distinctions in God’s love leads to a distorted view of salvation.
• Theological Egalitarianism — Many reject doctrines like election because they assume God's love must be equal for all. However, Scripture clearly teaches that God chooses to love some in a way He does not love others.
• Weakening of Biblical Roles — When love is treated as generic and indistinct, it undermines biblical family structures. If a man is told to love everyone equally, he may neglect his unique responsibility to his wife and children.

Conclusion

The biblical witness is clear: God does not love everyone the same way. From Noah to Israel, from Jacob to the church, God has always set His love upon some in a way He does not for others. His love is purposeful, ordered, and distinct.

Likewise, we are called to love with discernment. While we must show kindness to all, we have special obligations to our families, our spouses, and the church. Love is not lessened by making distinctions—it is made more meaningful. To love rightly is to love as God does: with wisdom, purpose, and order.