How To Cause Godly Grief

It’s not uncommon today to hear criticisms of pastors and leaders who have caused some kind of offence. A good deal of the time, these critiques end up stopping leaders from saying things which will cause people offence. This is virtually the opposite of how Paul responded to such challenges in his day. Paul knew that, in the right heart, there is a kind of offence that is pastorally appropriate, even pastorally necessary. 

Nowhere is this more apparent than in 2 Corinthians, a letter that would get many pastors into trouble today, if they applied it to their ministry too effectively. In this letter, Paul literally tells them that he doesn’t regret that his previous challenges to them had left them “grieved” (i.e. offended) by what Paul he’d said (2Cor. 7:8). 

Paul has no regrets because, as he says, their grief was “godly grief”, leading them to true repentance. He wasn’t glad they were offended per se but he knew (and rejoiced) that this offence was necessary in order to lead them to conviction of sin, and to a more earnest affection for the authority of the Word and those who brought it to them (cf. 2Cor. 7:9-11).

If Paul had taken his own advice from Ephesians 4 exclusively (the way we might tend to do today) he would not have spoken “boldly” enough to confront the Corinthians about the sin they were tolerating in their church (cf. 1Cor. 5:1). This would then have failed to result in the earnest zeal and readiness to give and serve which he then sees in the Corinthians as the good fruit of his (strong) words to them. We can see how the very Apostle who speaks about our gentleness to one another does not shirk back from saying things that he knows will cause people “grief”, when necessary.

What If the Corinthians Had Taken to Twitter?

Now just imagine if instead of repenting, the Corinthians had taken to social media to complain about their offendedness? One imagines multiple threads and heavily produced podcast series about Paul’s heavy-handedness, his manipulative powerplays, and his general hurtfulness towards those poor Corinthians. Interview after interview would confirm, with lavish quotation from his other letters, that this was indeed a problematic pattern in Paul’s ministry, that he always thinks he’s right, and that one time he even told someone to be handed over to Satan so they’d be taught not to blaspheme. 

It is difficult, in our present climate, to imagine Paul not being slandered by “discernment” types today for “spiritual abuse”. We know this is at least close to what some of the Corinthians thought of him anyway. Most of the rest of that letter consists of Paul defending himself and his apostolic team against such charges of heavy-handedness, domineering, extortion, speaking for personal gain, etc. (cf. 2Cor. 6-12).

Can You Be Meek and Bold?

There is no getting around the fact that Paul tells us to do things that all of us will find uncomfortable, whether our challenge is being too “gentle” or too “bold”. Whilst Paul is defending himself to the Corinthians for having offended them, he directly shows why we need both, and even shows them both in his very response:

“I, Paul, myself entreat you, by the meekness and gentleness of Christ—I who am humble when face to face with you, but bold toward you when I am away!—I beg of you that when I am present I may not have to show boldness with such confidence as I count on showing against some who suspect us of walking according to the flesh.” (2Cor.10:1-2)

Paul’s claim is that he is meek and gentle, that he does love them and want the best for them, and simultaneously that he has no qualms at all about showing “boldness” to them in response to their rejection and slander of that gentleness and meekness. Boldness is neither gentle nor meek. And in case we’re thinking Paul is referring to some inner determination to be courageous, he is not; he is speaking of how he will act to these Corinthians who have opposed and slandered him. He intends to be “bold” with them.

The Corinthians’ accusation that Paul was “walking according to the flesh” sounds like the classic super-spiritual response we tend to make when we don’t want to be challenged by something. “Ah, you are being too bold, that’s ‘worldly’; instead, be spiritual, be gentle, be meek. Leave me alone.” Often this can just become a convenient excuse to not face up to the challenge.

Worldly Warfare and Kingdom Warfare

What does it mean, then, to wage the wrong kind of warfare, according to the flesh? What is the wrong kind of fighting? Does it mean to become less combative, less bold, and more gentle? Paul goes on: “For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.” (2Cor. 10:3-4)

Here, our super-spiritual mode might kick in again as we say: “You see! Paul is saying ‘don’t have arguments… don’t be ungentle. Apply all that militaristic-sounding stuff to the spiritual fight within you! Fight the Devil in prayer, and whatever you do, don’t contradict your opposers ‘on the outside’!” Well, again, Paul seems to cause a problem here! 

As noted earlier, the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh because we are not seeking to use them to physically harm our opponents, but this does not mean to not oppose our opponents. Again, Paul goes on, causing evermore problems for the perpetually “gentle”: “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.” (2Cor. 10:5-6)

Sorry, Paul, did you say “Destroy”? That’s rather aggressive, is it not? Do you take pleasure in destroying the careful arguments of your opponents? Are they not merely people with a different perspective to you? Shouldn’t you be more open-minded and reasonable? “Destroy” certainly sounds far too offensive. Perhaps it was just the ESV talking! Let’s try the smoother NIV and see if it’s any better? Oh dear: “Demolish”? That sounds even worse!

What is a gentle Christian to do? Here’s our beloved apostle talking about the kind of warfare that involves the things that other people think and say to us! They will not like it at all if we try to “demolish” what they say. They will call us all sorts of names. It’s all very unsettling.