Three Essential Pieces Of Marriage Advice

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” - Genesis 2:18

The first problem that existed in the Bible was not so much loneliness as aloneness. Man was not supposed to be on his own. Marriage was the first solution to this first problem, and unsurprisingly, it has been under attack ever since that time.

So, marriage advice is essential. As a pastor, I get the privilege of officiating lots of weddings, and though I have a variety of wedding sermons that I choose from, each of them contains the same three pieces of advice.

Be great at forgiving each other.

Marriage is made up of two sinful people. This sin, in close proximity, will always play itself out in hurting each other, and has the potential to cause bitterness, tension and, at worst, separation or divorce. 

The easiest way to combat that is to apply the gospel to one another. Jesus said to Peter when asked how often he should forgive his brother “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” In other words, a lot. 

For those wondering how such a command can be obeyed, well, marriage will provide  ample opportunity to practice this. And although the kinds of offenses will likely alter as you and your marriage age, offenses will remain. 

In Christian marriage forgiveness should be done quickly, consistently, daily, and fully.

There are a couple of big lies you need to reject if you are going to be good at forgiving each other. “If he or she would say sorry, then I would forgive them.” “I will forgive them once they forgive me.” 

Both of these lies put the onus of forgiveness on the other person's actions instead of your own. Reject that, and forgive regardless.

You will both be wrong. Neither “happy wife, happy life” nor “the always right alpha male” approach will work.

Both men and women sin, which if it hasn’t been obvious prior to the wedding, will absolutely be obvious not long after. In our modern feminized world, a marriage is more apt to follow the adage “happy wife means happy life” than it is the “always right alpha male” but both are dangerous. 

There must be space in Christian marriage for either the husband or the wife to share with the other where they have seen sin in the other person’s life. Although we are not in the position to be our spouse’s Holy Spirit, we are each other’s closest companions, and should have the ability to lovingly speak into each other’s life. 

The woman who makes her husband miserable when he approaches her with sin is just as sinful as the man who is too prideful to take feedback from anyone. 

From my experience in pastoral counseling I find it most frequent in marriages that it is harder for men to correct their wives than it is for women to tell their husbands what they think is wrong. 

Ladies, if you want a healthy marriage don’t make your husband miserable every time he disagrees with you or get immediately defensive if he tells you you are wrong about something. 

I’ve seen many women drive away good men because they presume that they are always in the right and neuter their husbands instincts and leadership, leaving him pacified and spineless. These men aren’t inherently weak or passive; they are just tired of fighting with a woman who has made it impossible to lead. 

Men, if you think you are always right, you are wrong already. You aren’t perfect. You don’t have everything figured out. God gave you the woman you are married to for your good and your sanctification. It would be good to remember James' words when it comes to our relationship with our wives, particularly when she brings up something wrong in us, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger…” 

Christian marriage should get better and better until death do you part. 

The Genesis 2 marriage account ends with “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” 

This is a statement on sexuality but it is also so much more. To be naked and not ashamed puts someone in a very vulnerable position. The aim of a Christian marriage is to enter into a covenant relationship where you become both fully known (naked) and fully loved (not ashamed). 

Physically we can only be so naked, but emotionally and relationally we peel away layers over time. 

Over the course of a lifelong Christian marriage, a husband and wife will get to know each other deeper and deeper, revealing both the joys of their personality and the depths of their depravity. The promise of Genesis 2:24 though is that as we are more fully known we are yet still loved. 

This is a promise strikingly different from what the world offers, which could be summarized with, “I like what I see right now but reserve the right to abandon if I find something new out.” 

There is no safety or ability for intimacy with this perspective. That’s in part why Christian marriage is so much deeper and fulfilling. 

I pray as you apply these ideas to your marriage that you enjoy the immense beauty of Christian marriage.