Messy Family Worship
Dinner is finally finished. The sink is full of dishes. There is food on the floor. The baby needs to be changed. The preteen keeps asking if she can get back on her iPad. And you want me to have church in my house? No, thanks. I’m doing my best just to navigate this evening battlefield. I don’t need another activity when it’s hard enough just to keep these kids alive.
Does this sound like you? Do these thoughts come to mind every time you hear an internet talking head say that if you don’t have at least an hour of family worship time every night, your children are going to end up in a gang of thugs? Or worse, become United Methodists (the horror!).
As a father of six kids ranging in age from 26 down to 22 months (because God has a sense of humor), I can tell you that keeping up with regular family worship is hard. Not a little hard, not kinda hard, not slightly hard. It’s plain old hard. It’s hard because you won’t always know what to do. It’s hard because the kids won’t always want to do it. It’s hard because sometimes it will feel like an obligation rather than a joy. It’s hard because you already have a life filled with other important things (like keeping the baby from swallowing another quarter or cleaning up the half-gallon of milk your six-year-old dropped on the only carpeted area of the house). It’s hard, plain and simple. Quite frankly, that is why so few people do it consistently.
When I was a kid, we didn’t do family worship. Worship was something you did on Sunday in your church clothes with other church people. My step-mom was the first person to regularly take me to church, and she did her best to encourage us to follow biblical principles at home. But my dad was not a churchgoer at the time (thankfully, he is now, to God be the glory). So, there wasn’t much formal prayer in our home (except around dinner time), and there was certainly no family worship time. Like me, many of you are coming into this with no previous example to draw from. So, not only is it hard, but you probably feel like you have no point of reference for success or failure.
In fact, some of us never heard of family worship until we heard the words uttered by such giants of the faith as Joel Beeke or Voddie Baucham. And we all know for certain that their family worship is nothing short of perfection, with all of their children well-groomed, perfectly engaged, and immaculately catechized. So not only are we being told we must do this thing which we know is hard and we feel ill-equipped to perform, but we are constantly comparing ourselves to those who seem like they’ve never once bent over and torn the rear end of their trousers. How could we possibly compete with these theological Übermensch?
The answer is simple. Family worship is good, but it’s not something that should cause us a load of consternation. It should be a joy. It should be a highlight. It should be engaging and fun. Dare I say, it should be messy!
When we gather on the Lord’s Day, there is a certain structure to worship. We call this liturgy, and every church has it. Some churches are known as “High Church,” and they have a very well-structured liturgy, which is usually contained in a worship folder and is read by everyone as they go through the service. Other churches are more relaxed but still have a liturgy, in that there is an expectation that one thing will naturally follow the next. Scripture reading will be followed by singing, giving of an offering, a sermon, and perhaps participation in the Lord’s Supper. It’s a simple liturgy, but it’s a liturgy still.
Family worship is not liturgical; it is organic. Its purpose is to show your children that living the Christian life is not something intended to be held within the four walls of the church. That’s not to say you won’t have a structure, but maintaining the structure isn’t the purpose. Therefore, if the structure has to be abandoned because the baby is screaming, the kids are arguing, or mama is absolutely exhausted from her day, then that is okay. It’s not about getting through the order of service. It’s about pointing your children to Jesus Christ. It’s about reminding your kids that Jesus isn’t limited to one area of life but is King in all areas of life.
The most important thing to keep in mind while considering “how” and “when” you plan to engage in family worship is the “why.” The purpose of family worship is not to replicate church at home. Some of the best advice I ever received as a homeschool dad was when I was reminded, “You’re not trying to replicate public school at home.” It was like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders because I realized that my children needed an education more than they needed the atmosphere of school. Similarly, family worship is not about creating the atmosphere of church. You’re not replicating church at home. You’re worshiping at home. And that can be done in all kinds of ways.
Our family worship includes YouTube videos from Seeds Family Worship and Slugs and Bugs. It sometimes includes all the kids grabbing their instruments (which they don’t know how to play) and praising God through a cacophony of dreadful noise. It includes prayer requests that are sometimes awkward and funny. It has moments where we get frustrated with one another and ourselves. It is wild. It is inconsistent. It is messy. It is Foskey. It is our worship. And we aren’t trying to impress anyone. We are just trying to teach our kids to love God.
This article is the first in a series I am writing about family worship. I hope to give you ideas and insights to help encourage you in family worship. I believe it is valuable and often misunderstood. I want to encourage you to write questions in the comments as the articles come out, especially on areas where you need guidance. But keep in mind, all of our families are different. What works for the Beekes and the Bauchams may not work for the Foskeys, no matter how perfect the advice may seem. The most important thing is that you remember why you are doing this. Not because you have to. But because you get to. You get to worship! You get to worship with your kids. Beautiful, organic, messy worship. All to the glory of God.