A Good Life Begins With Britches That Fit!

I’m a member of the last generation of American children to be raised by parents who said, “You’re acting too big for your britches, Billy O’Hara. You had better size yourself to those britches right now or I’m going to have to size them for you!” (Billy was a fictional person, and the point being that the parent would use both your first and last names, meaning you were or were about to be in BIG TROUBLE!)

Nearly every Baby Boomer heard that (or a variation thereof). It meant, of course, that you were acting like you thought a lot of yourself. You were bragging or just plain drawing undue attention to yourself.

Back in the day, children were expected to be seen but not heard, which simply meant that when they were in the company of adults, they were expected to be respectfully quiet and listen. “While we’re at the Strombolis’, you are to be seen and not heard…understand? Good. You might learn something.”

That’s a quote from my stepfather, talking over his shoulder as we drove to the Strombolis’.

Upon hearing that, I did not shrivel up inside, feel worthless, or swell with hate for myself. My inner child did not crawl off into a corner of my brain, assume a fetal position, and begin sucking his thumb as he sank into catatonia. I simply let my stepfather know I understood and continued staring out the window at the scenery.

We Boomers were raised in the pre-self-esteem age, praise the Lord. Our parents attempted to instill in us an over-riding sense of modesty and humility. It is not human nature to be either modest or humble, mind you, and so those traits adhered to some better than others.

Given that we were not, as children, victims of the lie that thinking highly of oneself is desirable, it is a mystery how we, as parents, fell for the lie. A leading researcher into the effects of possessing high self-esteem has said that since the early 1970s, American parents have done an excellent job of instilling that mental poison into their kids.

As usual, the ENTIRE mental health professional community was WRONG about self-esteem. They said it would improve mental health, pave the road to success, and make the world a better place.

In fact, however, people with high esteem for themselves are highly prone to episodes of clinical depression, rarely achieve at a level commensurate with their ability, and tend to be sociopathic.

The same researcher gave a self-esteem inventory to various population groups. The highest scores were obtained by people incarcerated in maximum security prisons. Seems the higher one’s regard for oneself, the lower one’s regard for others. Economists call that a zero-sum relationship.

The Bible was Western Civilization’s parenting book until postmodernity grabbed us by the collective throat in the 1960s and ‘70s. Since then, parents have paid little attention to what God tells us about children and parental responsibilities. That’s true, unfortunately, of many if not most parents who identify as Christian.

If parents had paid attention to God’s Word as they raised children, they would have taken note of the FACT that Jesus did NOT say, “Blessed are those who think highly of themselves.”

Nor did He say that in order to follow Him, one must put oneself first.

Nor did He say that the first would be firster. Firstier? Even more first? Never mind. You get it.

TAKE THIS TO THE BANK, PEOPLE! Imperfect human beings will never raise children perfectly, but imperfect human beings will do a much, much better job of raising children if they follow God’s perfect directions concerning HIS children than they will if they follow directions provided by other imperfect human beings.

The very ironic (given that I am a psychologist by training and license, retired) moral of the story: For the last fifty-five years, American parents have taken their marching orders from psychologists and other mental health professionals. That’s resulted in an ever-worsening parenting train wreck. It’s time we heeded the prophet Jeremiah’s advice: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls (6:16).”